'Just the two of us'
Tom Brady and Tara Reid in the bargain bin
Having watched episodes of 'Ugly Betty' and 'Will and Grace' on the weekend, whilst also using hair products at least twice and even clipping my nails while humming a Christina Aguilera song, no harm at all thus writing a decidedly metrosexual, gossip related blog today.
I have always found Tara Reid pretty fascinating. Let me clarify that before I get whomped on the head with a bottle of Gordon's Dry Gin. Fascinated as in 'Oh my God, those two Monkeys are hitting each other with baseball bats!', fascinated. Or, 'Look! That car is being driven by a Gorilla!', fascinated.
'Why her though?' you might wonder. Glad you asked. There is just something comical about pretty much everything she does. Take New Years eve for example.
'On New Year's Eve for 2007, at a large celebration in Chicago, Tara made several numerical errors in hosting the minute-long countdown for the year. A video of the incident circled the Internet, leading to widespread criticism of her intelligence and level of inebriation.''
You want the video? I'll give you the video. No problem, glad to be of service.
Reid is a party girl. If she isn't drunk and impromptu pole dancing in front of dignitaries in a club in Romania she is making numerical errors on new years eve in Chicago.
''..Tara Reid is up to her drunken tricks again. Last month, the blonde-haired lush apparently began yelling and screaming at bad girl Shannen Doherty in a Miami nightclub.''
Here's the thing. I have witnessed the effects of Hurricane Tara somewhat first hand, as have every other Patriots fan. In 2002 Tom Brady had a brief, dramatic fling with Reid. A brief summary of said affair;
''In April 2002, Reid, heartbroken after a broken engagement to MTV nerd Carson Daly, tells her agent she wants to be set up with the reigning Super Bowl MVP. Reid, never one to miss a Super Bowl weekend bacchanal, even slipped Brady a note through proper channels. All efforts were rebuffed. Then, in September 2002, Brady invites Reid to Foxboro, Mass., to watch him throw three touchdowns in a Monday night victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers. The pair are inseparable for the next month, but by late October, the hot romance ends''
Hot off winning the Superbowl, the talented, young 2002 Patriots side failed to even make the playoffs, amidst rumours that Brady was struggling to control his love life. Look, no one controls Tara Reid! It was a foolish mistake on Brady's part to think he could break the mould.
The brief, sordid, messy affair has long since been relegated to the back pages of the Boston media;
''In Boston, rumors about Brady fly more frequently, although less accurately, than his passes. He dated Tara Reid, and when the Patriots failed to make the playoffs last year, some fans dismissed Reid as the football version of Yoko Ono.''
Basically many a Patriot fan buys into the theory that the 2002 season was doomed by Hurricane Tara. Personally, I would have found that a little hard to believe, had I not been fishing around the bargain bin in my local DVD store and come up with some pretty stunning evidence to support said theory.
Whilst digging through cut price DVD's I stumbled upon a fascinating box set. It was simply entitled 'Just the two of us' and had a picture of Tara Reid cuddling Tom Brady on the front.
I paid €8.99 for the DVD and headed home to research further. 'Just the two of us' is not to be confused with Taradise, which was her other half-hour television show on the E! network. It premiered in September 2005 but like 'Just the two of us' was cancelled the following month.
We can only thank E! for actually releasing the box set of 'Just the two of us' even though the show bombed. 'Just the two of us' was basically a 'fly on the wall' show detailing Tara and Tom's life, much like that whole Jessica Simpson thing that used to be on TV.
Why on earth am I telling you this? Basically, after about five minutes watching it, I entirely understood how the 2002 Patriots collapsed, and how Brady almost ended up in rehab. This, I know, is a massive, sweeping claim. In order to back it up, I give you, the reader, a transcript of a segment of the show.
In this episode, it is a Monday night and Brady has just got home from training exhausted.
Scene: Brady throws kit bag on floor and collapses on sofa. Reid is putting finishing touches to make up in front of mirror.
Brady: Hey so how was your day
Reid: Oh great thanks, although, we can't go into Blockbuster anymore. Ever.
Brady raises eyebrows, then decides better against asking.
Brady: I see. Well, did you hear back from those producers, what was the movie called again, 'Revenge of the guy who rips peoples heads off' or something?
Reid (nonchalant): No silly, ''A Return to Salem's Lot: The return'' They called but I was on the phone to Paris so they left a message. Oh, can I have four thousand dollars?
Brady: Sure, I think there's some money in my bag
Brady suddenly sits up, incredulous
Brady: Wait, what, four thousand what? What on earth do you need that for?!
Reid: For going out, silly. Hey do you want to come?
Interjects before Brady can answer
Reid: Oh actually maybe you shouldn't 'cause Carson will be there. Hey actually can I have five thousand dollars?
Brady: I thought you just said four thousand? Look, nevermind, do you have to go out tonight? I have to be up at 6 am tomorrow and I thought we were going to watch you in 'Josie and the Pussycats 2: Josies revenge'? It's on Cinemax 7 later. Wait, what's this?
Brady sits up and pulls an enormous bong from the crack in ths sofa
Reid: That's a bong honey.
Brady: I am not stupid Tara I know what a bong is, what is it doing here? (Pleads) Honey you know how the league is on substance abuse, imagine they found this here?!
Reid: Baby don't be silly it's not mine its P-Diddys. I'll give it to him later, he's going to be in the club too, oh, baby, actually can I have six thousand dollars?
Brady (voice raised in high pitch): P-Diddy was here?! When? Why was he here?
Reid: Oh earlier, before lunch I think, he was gone before Tommy Lee came over anyway.
Brady: (voice an irritated squeak at this stage) What the *Bleep* was Tommy Lee doing here?!
Brady stands in confrontational stance
Reid (Putting on skimpy, revealing dress): Tommy is such a sweetheart, he is filming this new movie with Pammie and Jenna Jameson, I think it's like, totally a skin flick or something, and anyway he wanted me to help him with his lines. Oh that remind me, if you find a gun and a George Bush mask will you leave it out for me, that's Tommy's.
Brady sits back down and puts his head in his hands
Reid: Honey, if a guy asks you to do something for him, you know, something sexual, and says he really likes you but he has a girlfriend... (Reid pauses and then says) This isn't me I'm talking about like I just mean, like, totally, Paris, you know?
Brady curls up in a ball on sofa gently rocking himself
Reid: Baby do you know where my gstring with the little chiwawas on it is?
Copyright E! Network entertainment 2002 (..and 'I didn't know there was baseball in Ireland' 2007)
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