Thursday, November 01, 2007


An open letter to New York Yankee fans

Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of the Boston Red Sox Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan conversion registrations for New York Yankee fans. Conversion requests from other teams will be accepted once all Yankee requests are processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based upon the current backlog of requests.

Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion form below to help us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover from
your previous fan experience.

Name: _______________________________


Who's Your Daddy: ____________________

1. Please select your favorite recent Yankee new player acquisition:

[ } Roger Clemens $20 million, six wins, one groin pull

[ ] Alex Rodriquez $92 million, no title, Ha!

[ ] Derek Jeter $123 million since last won world series

[ ] Jason Giambi $91 million, no title, lots of roid sweat

[ ] Carl Pavano $27 million, five wins

2. . Which of the following would you most like to see as the most played
YES Network "Great Moments in Yankee History" film clip in 2008:

[ ] Rivera's "shocking" blown save in Game 4, 2004

[ ] Rivera's "shocking" blown save in Game 5, 2004

[ ] The awesome wild card clincher celebration

[ ] Wang getting hammered in Game 1

[ ] Wang getting hammered in Game 2

[ ] Jeter's first GIDP

[ ] Jeter's second GIDP

[ ] Jeter's third GIDP

3.. Please indicate the last book you read:

[ ] Someday, in my lifetime, the Yankees will get to the LCS

[ ] Suicide Hotline - It's not just for Cubs' fans anymore

[ ] The Heimlic h Maneuver -- What to do when choking

4. Which recent Yankees personnel move did you enjoy most:

[ ] Not winning the posting for Matsuzaka

[ ] Winning the posting for Kei Igawa

5. Which following designation best describes Derek Jeter's performance in this year's ALDS:

[ ] Captain Intangibles

[ ] Captain GIDP

[ ] Captain & Tenille

6. Please choose your favorite movie:

[ ] Anger Management

[ ] Hunt for Red October

[ ] Damned Yankees

[ ] Still We Believe

7. Finish this sentence: "Alex Rodriquez is

a. overrated

b. overpaid

c. overdue

d. overly prissy

e. over

8. . Select the most vociferous, stupid, and annoying Yankee fan:

[ ] Washed up "comic" hack and Yanks personal ballwasher Billy Crystal

[ ] Front-running celebrity phony Jack Nicholson

[ ] Tim McCarver

9 . Are you ready to admit that :

a. Ted Williams was better than Joe DiMaggio?

b. Carlton Fisk was better than Thurman Munson?

c. Even Manny Ramirez is faster than Bernie Williams?

d. Reggie Jackson was a better outfielder than Matsui?

e. Derek Jeter has less range than a kumquat

f. No self-respecting parasite would invade Jason Giambi?

10. Please indicate your favorite moments in Yankee history: (Check all
that apply):

[ ] Alex Rodriquez is traded to the Yankees

[ ] Don Mattingly never wins a World Series

[ ] The Yankees let Clemens get away

[ ] The Yankees get Clemens back

[ ] Giambi's steroid abuse causes his body to collapse like a screen
door in a hurricane.

[ ] The bugs eat Joba

11 . Have you experienced any of the following after the embarrassing four game collapse? (Check all that apply)

[ ] Headache

[ ] Uncontrolled Anger

[ ] Heartache

[ ] Holes punched in doors or walls

[ ] Nausea

[ ] Smashed TV screens

[ ] Depression and Broken Dreams

[ ] Avoided Red Sox fans for days or weeks

Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Fenway Park. Then burn all your remaining Yankee clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Red Sox Fan Club will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.

I hereby acknowledge that the real "curse" is being a Yankee Fan.

I hereby renounce the New York Yankees for all eternity on this the ______
day of ________________, 200__



Jimmy Chowda said...

You forgot the part about making the male defectors wear pink Sox hats for the first decade of fandom.

Oh, and I unnecessarily insinuated that Yankee fans beat their wives in my latest blog entry.

I knew I would love rubbing it in with those degenerates.

Dave said...

There's nothing unnecessary about that insinuation.

Great post!

Anonymous said...

How about comparing win percentage in both teams histories. Or number of world series won. Like Patton said... "History defines someone, not what they did today or in recent times."

Cormac said...

How about developing a sense of humour?!


Blue Blooded Journo said...

Take away 1943-1945 and Patton was a nobody.

blacksoxfan said...

As an Arizona fan, methinks ye should have added Rivera's Shocking Game 7 blown save.

Dave said...

How about someone getting that joker a bottle and blanket?

blacksoxfan said...

Add, are you willing to admit A-Rod is AAA level? Check this out:

Red Sox Fan said...

Thats a great post! hahaha

Irish National baseball team

Irish National baseball team
Team Ireland at the European Championships, Croatia, 2000.

A nice little mention for this blog on Fox Sports

A nice little mention for this blog on Fox Sports


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