Yeah yeah, I just used the words 'Tim Tebow' and 'hell' in the same sentence, undoubtedly I will be struck down by the ebola virus, lightning and a really bad cough on the way home tonight. Seriously though, exactly how sanctimonious is this turgid, sycophantic, borderline home-erotic rubbish going to go?
What did we all find out last night, while watching the BCS final, about the almighty himself, Tim Tebow? For starters, did you know he basically cured the Philippines of, well, everything? The reporters were falling over themselves to tell us Tebow and his family or whatever had spent time in the Philippines working with the poor and needy, spreading the word of Jesus. Next stop, the Middle East. The little matter of the debacle known as the Crusades would not stop a man of Tebow's ilk. Jeebus Christ!
With the slimy, incessant fawning that was going on all night long about the big lug you would think it was he that stopped the Sooners dead on the goal line not once but twice, forever swinging the momentum of the game.
One of the commentators, Thom Brennerman, actually said the following, this is a direct quote;
''If you're fortunate enough to spend five minutes, or twenty minutes around Tim Tebow, your life is better for it.''
If there is any justice in this world, Tebow will be drafted as a third strong backup for the Cardinals, where he can learn how to hold a clip-board and watch Kurt Warner play for the rest of his sanctimonious life. Maybe hanging with Cards second string party animal Matt Leinart would loosen him up a little. Couldn't do him any harm anyway, could it?
Well lucky for us, Tebow and Leinart actually met at a party recently, under some auspice or another, and luckier still, someone taped the conversation. Let's listen in.
[Scene: Tebow, in chinos and a nice, well ironed shirt, is standing on his own at a raucous party. Leinart, in Bermuda shorts and shirt is holding what appears to be a rather large bong]
- Leinart: ''Hey, aren't you that guy?''
- Tebow: ''Hello Matt, I am Tim Tebow. Bless you.''
- Leinart: [Clearly drunk] ''Awesome, I thought you was that guy, awesome, hey, aren't you like, in Vietnam or something?''
- Tebow: [sipping on an ice cold glass of water] ''Sorry, what?''
- Leinart: ''yeah so like, I heard you did, like, three tours of duty in Vietnam? For Jeebus''
- Tebow: ''Gosh darnit, what did you call the lord out savior? Vietnam? What? I am in college, like you once were, my friend.''
- Leinart: [distracted] ''Hey broseph, who's the dude giving you the eye?''
- Tebow: [annoyed] ''What are you talking abo...oh..don't mind him my friend, that's just Thom Brennerman, he's a big fan of mine.''
- Leinart: ''Cool deal man, that's cool, whatever way you roll is fine with me, want some?'' [offering Tebow the enormous, possibly home made, bong''
- Tebow: ''My friend, I do not even know what that is, is it a complicated smoking device?''
- Leinart: [laughing] ''Your crazy, your crazy man, but I like you''
- Tebow: ''Have you found Jesus?''
- Leinart: ''You know what's crazy broseph, I feel like, I feel like, having been, like, fortunate to have spent, a few minutes around you, like, my life is better for it, or something, you know what I mean?''
- Tebow: ''Well my friend I get that a lot. Now excuse me. I have to go save the Philippines from communism and the Muslims.
Tebow gets in some game time man love