Friday, May 01, 2009

The five biggest clowns in sports. Clown number five.

Ah yes. Ain't nothin' like bringin' another brother down. I have decided to, from now on, write in the style of the title of a Spike Lee movie. This here article be about stupid athletes, and stuff.

Okay, enough of that. So, anyway, there are some particularly annoying, grating, individuals in sports these days, let's face it. From the inane to the asinine and back again, there's a couple of athletes that really get under ones skin.

People like this guy. He didn't make the list but he definitely belongs.



Naturally, these fools need to be called out.



Let's get started.

The five biggest clowns in sports
Clown number five

The appearance of this swarthy individual so low in the listing may give you some indication of just where this is going. This fine fellow is right now trying to make his way back from injury and into the Major Leagues. Once he gets there, he may wish he had never bothered. Thanks to one Selena Roberts, who is about to release her tome on the man, A-Rod is going to have one hell of a summer.

A-Rod - really, what's not to like?

Gone will be the mocking chants of 'Aaaaaaaaaaaa-Rod...Aaaaaaaaaaaa-Rod' only to be replaced with what will become the catch phrase of the summer, 'B**** T***s'. And where did that come from? In a section released from Roberts book, it turns out A-Rod's nickname on the Yankees in 2005 was, in fact, 'B**** T***s', on account of the large, round pectoral muscles he was forming from his steroid usage. Yes, that's right, A-Rod, not C.C Sabathia, the guy one would most expect to be on the Yankees and be anointed with that nick-name.

..at least he still loves himself

Despite the fact that there is no word on whether the book explains A-Rod's purple lips or Orange hue/tan, I can honestly say I can not wait to purchase it. Sign me up.

''Alex Rodriguez may have bulked up with steroids as early as high school - and was suspected of juicing while playing for the Yankees, a bombshell new book reports.''

There is so much you could use as evidence in the court of stupidity against this clown, however the weight of material is so great at this stage that he has gone from being a greedy, me-first, virus on any team he played on, to something of a comical and almost vulnerable figure.


Hated in Texas, by his own team-mates, who nicknamed him 'The Cooler' (and not in a good way), apparently mocked by his team mates in New York, and ridiculed in every online and offline sporting medium in circulation. Where is this going? Would you be shocked if you found out A-Rod was actually a woman? Or would you be shocked if A-Rod became, overnight, a Buddhist monk? There is no limit any more on this chap.

I actually remember his first major league at bats. Summer of '94 I believe. I was working in a hotel in Cape Cod, and listening to Boston play Seattle on the radio, WEEI. Roger Clemens was pitching and A-Rod was a highly touted young shortstop with a 'can't miss' tag attached to him. As I sat there, reading a paper, eating nachos with my feet up on the counter, little did I know I was listening to the debut of who would become one of the biggest clowns to be an athlete. Little did I know he would make this particular list.



Boston plays in New York next week. Imagine the carnival if A-Fraud makes it back in time for that one?



The five biggest clowns in sports

Clown #1 -
Clown #2 -
Clown #3 -
Clown #4 -
Clown #5 - A-Rod



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2 comments:

Brian said...

Great post on a murky Friday. Cape Cod - Hyannis?

Anonymous said...

I just can't believe that you've come up with 4 bigger clowns than Gay Rod.

Irish National baseball team

Irish National baseball team
Team Ireland at the European Championships, Croatia, 2000.

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