Here we are again, that bitter-sweet end to the baseball season. On Saturday the Dublin City Hurricanes lost the finals of the Irish baseball league to 'Andrei and the Spartans'. No, that's not a dodgy Romanian wedding band, that's a baseball 'team'. The 'Canes went a magnificent 13-3 on the season and, when the disappointment of losing the finals wears off, will remember 2009 as being a season of great games, a stack of quality wins (including going 3-1 against 'Andrei and the Spartans' in the regular season) and a fun filled trip to Prague.
In the meantime, as we said in 2006, season over, Grover, and now for our annual review of the 2009 Hurricanes season player by player, with a look into what they got up to in the coming years!
Steve Divito –
Hurricanes skipper Steve Divito led the way during one of the most challenging seasons in Hurricanes history. He managed the team, the trip to Prague, the weekend lineups, State Street international, a growing family and also a side project as the leader of a Southern Italian branch of the Mafia. In 2014, Divito would go on to become the President of the United States, and would make wearing Oakley sunglasses in the oval office cool.
Chris Foy –
The boy Foy brought his usual brand of positive energy to the Canes in '09, managing to harmonise the synergy of the team while balancing his high profile successful business life, a martini and a cigarette all at once. By 2015, Foy would be a business consultant to Steve Divito in the White House, and he would have the very latest iPhone and it would be really cool.
Tom Kelley –
TK played the single best season of Center Field baseball the Irish baseball league had ever seen, all the way right up to the final, during which he was posessed by the fielding spirit of Matt Stairs. After the finals, TK went back to working on his latest venture, a project to bring hordes of American girls to Ireland at which stage he would interview them one by one of the position of PA for 'The Dublin Pub Crawl'. It would be a lengthy, time consuming process, giggidy, giggidy.
Andrew Martin –
Big Game Andy had another banner season with both bat and glove in ’09, so much so that in late 2010, with the Red Sox struggling to hit yet again, they pulled of a trade with the Hurricanes. Big Game Andy was sent to Boston for a case of Heineken, a box of Cuban cigars and $500 cash-money. He made an instant splash in Boston, batting .297 for the season with a stack of doubles and runs scored. He also sued successfully for the sole rights to use the name ‘Big Game...’ before his own name. The Judge ruled that Andy was ‘way, way more clutch’ than Tampa Bay’s James Shields.
Mike Johnson –
Canadian Mike became the first Hurricane to be ejected from a game since the early 1920's with his expletive laden tirade in a game earlier in the season. Mike took on the biggest umpire ever in Irish baseball, and stood his ground. Years later, Mike would go down in history as the first man ever to beat Chuck Norris in a fist fight. Mike would then lose his entire fortune on a poker hand. He had K/3 unsuited and went all in, losing to a straight flush.
Rafael Diaz –
International man of mystery Rafael managed to fit in a few games in '09 in between sending obscure texts from Budapest, Prague and Paris. Years later he would become the center of an international conspiracy of global proportions. When reached for comment, he would reply simply 'Dude, I am in Budapest!'
Dioni Guerra –
Stunningly handsome ladies man Dioni Guerra was a constant thorn in the side of all opposition pitchers in the Irish league in ’09. His ability to slip on base without them even noticing would make him one of the toughest outs in Irish baseball. After the season, Guerra would pursue a career in modelling and acting, and would come tenth in ‘People’ magazines ‘Worlds sexiest man’ awards in 2011. His paragraph in the magazine started with ‘We don’t often call men ‘beautiful’ however it is entirely apt in the case of Dioni Guerra’. Guerra would also become known as ‘the best party host Western Europe’ (Playboy magazine, 2013).
José Gomez –
José Gomez just loves to hit, and ’09 was no break from the norm, as José bashed Irish league pitching around all season long. With the season over, José would go on to become a hit on the ultra competitive Salsa dancing circuit in Dublin, winning several competitions and starting his own Salsa dancing classes, attended by thousands of adoring females fans. In 2013 José would break into the European charts with a Latino beat version of popular Irish World Cup song, ‘Olé, Olé’, replacing the words with ‘José, José’. It would go on to be a number one in both Ireland and the Czech Republic.
Eric ‘Vegas’ Valkys –
In September 2010 Eric ‘Vegas’ Valkys would become the first person ever in Ireland to hit a home run in baseball, catch a touchdown pass in football and have 25 assists in basketball, all in the same single weekend. Eric would astutely have a $10 treble on this and would retire from the hotel business on the $2.4 million dollar returns.
Daniel Barry –
Hurricanes catcher Dan Barry had a superb ’09 season, earning a name for collecting big hits and throwing almost every attempted base stealer out, often by a wide margin. In 2011 the Boston Red Sox, desperate to stop teams stealing against them, would pull off a stunning trade with the Dublin Hurricanes. The Sox would land Barry for Jason Varitek, David Ortiz and a keg of Heineken. Barry would go on to throw out 93.7% of all attempted base stealers while with Boston. He was also involved in the play that ended A-Rod’s career. With the Yankees losing game seven of the ’11 ALCS, A-Rod attempted to score from third on a fly ball to left. Jason Bay made a superb throw and Barry blocked the plate. A-Rod unwisely tried to knock Barry over, only to break a collar bone, leg and arm in the collision. This effectively ended A-Rod’s career. Barry would go on to become a legend in Boston.
Jeremias Osio –
Incensed by an umpire challenging him to a fight in the ’09 season, Jeremias would hit the gym in ’10 and find that he had the perfect disposition to be a cage fighter. By 2013 Jerry would be fighting under the name ‘Jerry Guns’ and would be UFC champion in both ’14 and ’15, driving crowds of both men and women alike crazy with his saucy, suggestive entrance to the ring accompanied by smooth Latino grooves.
Jeff Burrows –
The Hurricanes got a boost from Jeff’s arrival in ’09 and the Irish air force would get a boost from Jeff’s business contacts in ’15. Using his Texan charm to its utmost, Jeff managed to wrangle a deal with President Divito to have 24 decommissioned F16 fighters sent to Ireland in return for some genuine St Patrick’s moss and 5,000 kegs of Guinness.
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