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Item A on the agenda, did you know there was an 'American Mustache Institute'?
Well, there is, and it is ''Protecting the rights of, and fighting discrimination against, mustached Americans''
It also has an annual "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year" and award that claims to be ''recognizing the person best contributing to the Mustached American way of life over the past year''
This years winner? Arizona Diamond Backs reliever Clay Zavada.
Zavada's acceptance speech;
''Thanks to Quicken and the American Mustache Institute as this is an honor, especially to beat out some great people like Captain Sully Sullenberger, who is an absolute hero," said a modest yet good looking Zavada, who in 51 innings for the Diamondbacks in 2009 struck out 52 batters with a 3.35 ERA. "I am humbled that so many people in America care about mustaches and have been amazed at all of the support I've gotten, especially from my grandma who was really fired up about me winning."
Cleveland Brown also received votes however was ''disqualified because (he) violated a clause that required the winner to sign an ethics agreement as well as actually exist in real life''
Best part of all this? Other than Zavada's impressing lip sweater? None of the above was made up in any shape or form. None of it! Entirely legit.