Monday, February 15, 2010

The most ridiculous 'sport' in the universe.

First things first, how long before South Park dig their dirty, scrubby little nails into NASCAR? They absolutely nailed wrestling recently (that’s NOT ‘wrastling’!), how long before they shoot the duck in the barrel that is NASCAR?

vroom vroom

Honest to goodness though, what on earth is the attraction to NASCAR?

This weekend was pretty much a dead loss sports wise, personally speaking. The highlight of the weekend was to be Ireland v France in the Six Nations rugby tournament, and let’s just say, Irish expectations might have been a little high. The Barcelona game last night was diverting, and there were a handful of interesting English FA Cup games. Other than that? Slim pickings. No NFL. No College Football. No baseball and no NBA. Not even any Sunderland (battling relegation) EPL matches.

Therefore, I probably only hit the ESPN site up, oh, three times? A normal weekend would have seen about 70-80 visits. Each time, the site was absolutely plastered with NASCAR news. I am stupefied that there are enough people interested in this retarded ‘sport’ to have it taking up so much space on front line sporting media.

Really, Alabama has broadband?

I mean, that’s where most of the gormless, goldfish like (‘hey, there goes a car, wait, there goes another!’) village idiots who follow the ‘sport’ are from, right? I am stunned they know how to type ‘’ into a url bar, frankly. Does this seem like a needless and gratuitous assault on the good people of Alabama? If so, let’s just say my interaction with its populace, to date, hasn’t been super fantastic.

True story. One NASCAR fan I know was attempting to write to me ‘I don’t mean to be condescending…’, alas the poor chap wrote ‘I don’t mean to be condensation…’ I missed my chance there to write back ‘I appreciate that you don’t mean to be tiny droplets of water forming on a given surface, however I do not see what this has to do with you cheating with my (ex) girlfriend.’ Huge NASCAR fan, huge.

If you watch NASCAR for any given period of time I think your IQ automatically drops four points. It continues to drip away at a rate of an IQ point every ten minutes until you finally force yourself away from the riveting action. The cars go in a circle! A circle! I am not a huge fan of Formula one, however I can still appreciate the skill involved in negotiating corners, dog-legs, chicanes and what not. How could anyone in their right mind find it interesting to watch Earl Keith Chesney Redneck Johnson the second essentially drive around in a circle? Over and over?

Even the rules and regulations of the ‘sport’ are open to ridicule. NASCAR actively rewards teams for not racing. In a strategy that would impress the US Department of Agriculture, NASCAR pays racing teams when they qualify for a race, then run one lap and intentionally drop out. Referred to as Start and Park, this strategy allows teams to avoid carrying a pit crew and avoid paying for the expensive sets of tires that wear out during a full race.

They simply dress up like a NASCAR team but then pull out on the day.

Speaking of dressing up, how ridiculous are the drivers, in their advertisement laden outfits, climbing into their decal plastered cars? How long until they tattoo sponsors' names on their foreheads?

One final personal Alabama related anecdote. The best friend of the ‘condensation’ guy broke up with his long term, long suffering girlfriend while I was in that circle of people. When the poor girl, who had been supporting the guy financially as he sat on his fat ass watching cars go round in circles, asked why she was being dumped, he said, and I quote;

‘’I just want to spend more time with my vehicles’’

Well, you can have them, and their associated racing component. They, and it, are incredibly boring and shouldn’t be labeled a sport. Most of all, get them and NASCAR off the front of ESPN and get back to talking about real sports! We’re not all brain-dead goldfish.

Mmmm...absolutely riveting


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

So very true! Well said!

Irish National baseball team

Irish National baseball team
Team Ireland at the European Championships, Croatia, 2000.

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