Friday, April 09, 2010

The Vernon Wells conundrum

A chirpy, rambunctious Canadian I know emailed this morning to flaunt;
‘’ Thought I should let you guys know that Vernon Wells is on pace for 216 home runs and 378 RBI's. And 729 total bases.’’

This had a poor effect on me personally. Imagine, if you will, a fella who has been seeing a girl for two weeks. She is listless, seemingly constantly bored, doesn’t really like doing anything, and certainly isn’t interesting at all to be around. They break up. She ends up with another guy, who guy ‘A’ knows. Just a week into her new relationship guy ‘A’ starts to hear fantastical rumours, his ex girlfriend is apparently full of life. She is absolutely hilarious, great to be around. Just a completely awesome girlfriend.

I am pretty much guy ‘A’ when it comes to Vernon ‘the fake’ Wells.


I owned his fat, lazy self for three seasons in a competitive, enjoyable ‘keeper’ fantasy baseball league I am in. He was a weight around my neck. He brought nothing to the table. I couldn’t unload him for love nor money. I think in three years total he hit around 51 home runs for my team, ‘The Tusken Raiders’. It ‘felt’ like 16 home runs. Total. He was a single slapping sloth, who kept my team from ever really making any progress. He was too ‘valuable’ to dump and yet nobody was interested in trading for him.

Finally I managed to bury him in a five player monster trade, giving up plenty more than I should have just in an effort to get something, anything at all Of course, I should have known, way back when I initially drafted his slacker backside. Look at how excited I was. If only I had known;

Some Major League players have a song played on the PA for them when they come to bat. My second pick in the .406 Club Dynasty Fantasy Keeper League Draft, 24th overall, has just the five. Vernon Wells has a selection of five theme songs, including, "Grillz," by Nelly. Five songs. What I am wondering is, how does the guy who operates the PA system choose? Does Vernon have signs that he flashes on the way to bat?


The signs were always there. Clearly.

Wells is a fraud. He will not hit 216 home runs in 2010. He will struggle to hit 30. Trust me, having put up with his pathetic stats the last few years. In over 600 at bats in 2009 Wells hit an absolutely pathetic 15 home runs. His .260 average would pass for a light hitting catcher maybe, but for a ‘superstar’? How about 68 rbis? Sound good?

Have a look at Vernon’s home run totals the last few years.

2006 – 32
2007 – 16
2008 – 20
2009 – 15

He had a pretty decent 2006 and since then, not so much. It isn’t just the power that’s lacking. You want a player with a .311 on base percentage in your three or four hole in your lineup? How about defence? In 2009 Wells couldn’t catch a cold. His UZR (ultimate zone rating) was a horrifically bad -18.2. In 2008 he ‘managed’ a very poor 14.3, so the statistics would suggest Wells is actually getting worse in the field.

If you happen to wake up this morning a Vernon Wells owner, sell high! Do it now. Run to your computer and trade him while he is worth something. Drop whatever you are doing. If you say to yourself ‘nah, I think I will ride this hot streak he is on!’ – just remember I warned you when it has been three weeks since he hit anything but a pop up and the Blue Jays fans are booing him like he is the second coming of, wait, do Canadians hate anyone at all? Whatever about that, trade him now. Get it done.

On a pace for 216 home runs? Vernon wells is, and always will be, on a pace to disappoint.


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Irish National baseball team

Irish National baseball team
Team Ireland at the European Championships, Croatia, 2000.

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