Adrian Beltre facts; the best of

The last week or so Twitter has been awash with #adrianbeltrefacts. They are kind of like the old Chuck Norris facts, but funnier. Beltre has become a cult figure in what is increasingly looking like a lost season of Red Sox baseball. How come? First off, he is pretty quirky, he swings (sometimes) from his knees and doesn’t like anyone touching his head. That and he is absolutely mashing the ball.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, the finest of the Adrian Beltre facts


* Adrian Beltre has never hit into a fielder’s choice. The choice is up to him.
* Adrian Beltre hasn’t made 15 errors. The official scorers have.
* The reason Adrian Beltre throws flat-footed is to slow down the rotation of the earth.
* NASA solved its early problems by having Adrian Beltre throw the capsules into space.
* With the roof open at Rogers Centre, the sun isn’t beating down on Adrian Beltre. Adrian Beltre is beating down on the sun.
* Carl Everett thinks that Adrian Beltre is made up, just like the dinosaurs and outer space.
* Adrian Beltre doesn’t like anybody touching his head because he’s afraid he’ll break their hands.
* Even Chuck Norris is afraid to touch Adrian Beltre’s head.
* Even Adrian Beltre’s helmet is afraid to touch his head.
* The Big Bang was a result of God touching Adrian Beltre’s head.
* Adrian Beltre is the reason McDonald’s discontinued the McRibs.
* Adrian Beltre once watched “Delta Force” on TV. Chuck Norris woke up the next day with three broken ribs.
* Adrian Beltre is the reason baseballs need stitches.
* It took Adrian Beltre only four swings to demolish the old Yankee Stadium.
* Adrian Beltre only appeals to umpires on checked swings so they can feel important.
* Customs officials will have to show Adrian Beltre their passports at the airport tonight.
* When Adrian Beltre does a postgame interview, he asks the questions.
* Adrian Beltre doesn’t wear spikes. The ground knows the only way to survive is not to let go.


The finest of the lot;

* Adrian Beltre pulled a ball to the opposite field.
* Scott Boras is actually an Adrian Beltre client.
* Adrian Beltre won Connect Four in three moves.


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