Tim Tebow 'does it again'! (We're just not sure what 'it' is)


As always, one would be remiss not to take to task today’s fully expected and yet still stomach churningly nauseous deluge of sycophantic Tim Tebow babbling from the Knights Of The Keyboard (The US sporting media). We are angry today so, be aware, cursing involved. If an angry diatribe filled with expletives doesn’t quite catch your fancy, just go here instead. Right, let’s dive right in. First headline, blazing as if vomited in bright flashing neon across the front of ESPN, ‘TEBOW DOES IT AGAIN!’.

Wait just one hot second here, does what again?

Now, I am no Rick Perry but doesn’t saying something has happened ‘again’ suggest it has happened before? Last I checked Tebow and his jolly mates were on something of a down-turn, ending the season mired in a filthy swamp of a three game losing streak, to New England, Buffalo and Kansas. Those were not mistakes, the mighty Buffalo and all-powerful Kansas did indeed manage to de-rail the Tebow train. However today we read, or have seared into our eye balls Nazi torture style; Tebow does it again! You can understand our confusion here, last night he actually won, he didn’t lose. So, what did he do again?

Did he win in the playoffs again maybe? A quick check of the handiest encyclopedia shows that interestingly Tebow has never ventured into the playoff universe before, so he wasn’t doing that ‘again’ as it were. No sign of him mentioned in the annals of Canton, or previous Superbowls.

So once more we ask, does what again, exactly? Maybe Tebow was white, over rated and tapped right into the current religiously right wing, overzealous, support-the-troops-no-matter-what, zeitgeist that main-stream America is currently ‘experiencing’, again? Or maybe most of all, Tebow managed to beat a flawed or damaged team, ‘again’? Remember that winning streak he and his band went on, against those questionable, broken or just bad teams a while back? Maybe he did something like that again.

I feel like shouting this out from the top of the Empire State or something, everyone is completely aware ‘Tebow’ (I love how the media basically intimates that the chosen one did it on his own) just beat a team that had a QB playing on, effectively, one leg, had just lost their starting RB for the remainder of the season and most importantly had to travel to Denver for the game? Everyone realizes that, right?

You know what, I don’t even care about the guy himself. Whatever, he is free to bow down and worship whatever he wants, good for him. He could sit at home flagellating himself all day long while listening to Christian Rock and watching re-runs of - Insert name of whatever Republican Presidential hopeful is making an absolute Muppet of him or herself at time of writing here - debating that -Insert whatever minority group the right wing thinks should have no rights here - do not deserve to live in America, for all I care. And Sunday night’s game was awesome.

However, please, for the love of God, Buddha, Allah, Yoda and Tom Cruise, please shut the holy fuck up about Tebow and whether he did it again or not. Any which way you look at this, here’s hoping the masked ranks of Scientology like fanatical Tebow fans got their fix Sunday night, because it all comes to a grinding, shuddering halt Saturday night in the beckoning, crushing arms of Vincent Wilfork and his merry gang.

You heard it here first.




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