Breaking Euro 2012 news: Nicklas Bendtner announces teams he will play for next season

Danish super striker, and possibly the greatest human being alive, Nicklas Bendtner has announced his intentions to play for one of four teams only next season. Fresh off his stunning two goal haul against Portugal in Denmark’s 2-3 loss on Wednesday, Bendtner left the quiet team locker room to hold an impromptu press conference clad in only shorts, soccer socks and official Nicklas Bendtner jewellery.

‘Now that I am clearly the greatest player of all time, I would like to announce which teams I will play for next season’ the great Dane calmly informed the assembled press men. ‘I will consider offers from the Brazilian team, for I believe I am a suitable foil to Neymar’s style of play. I would like to particularly issue a ‘come and get me’ plea to the current Barcelona side, they are clearly in need of my skills up front, and finally, I would consider it seriously if Jose Mourinho gave me a call, I would think about playing for Real Madrid. I am not promising anything, but I would think about it.' 

When it was noted to him that he had only mentioned three teams, Bendtner laughed and said ‘’That is correct well spotted, I will consider also offers from the 1974 German World Cup winning team, I feel Gerd Muller and I are one of a kind. This press conference is over, Bendtner out’. 

As he left the room Bendtner was asked if he would consider returning to Sunderland, where he spent last season ‘toiling’ up front, Bendtner at first seemed amused, chuckling gently, only for the smile to soon fade, at which point the Dane shouted at his handler to have the offending scribe removed forcibly from the premises.



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