Is there anything more annoying than those stupid, frustrating 'Sports impotence' dreams? I don't know if you have ever experienced them but they are a d-r-a-g. A real buzz killer. You wake up thinking 'Oh man.' Not like that though, like, a full drawn out 'Ohhh maaaan, am I really that bad at whatever sporting activity I was dreaming about? Really?' It's deflating.
What happens is, you are having a dream and you are playing a sport you like, say, for example, basketball. Maybe you are amongst friends, having a good time, ready to shoot a few hoops. This is never easy in a 'Sports impotence' dream. Every shot you put up is a brick. Or worse still, the ball turns into a 42'' LCD TV screen or something, and that's pretty hard to shoot threes with.
So anyway last night I had a 'sports impotence dream'. I like throwing the old pigskin around on occasion. In my dream I was working out with a new team who expected great things of me. It's dark, I think I have a Raiders jersey on (what?! huh?!) and it's also raining. You can tell this isn't going to end well.
The teams lineup and I am in shotgun, waiting for the snap. I think to myself, 'Man I hope this goes well.' The centre snaps the ball and suddenly I am holding a traffic cone in my hand.
I throw it. It doesn't go too far.
I stand there embarrassed as I miss the receiver by about twenty yards. 'Sports impotence' dreams are zero fun whatsoever.
I wonder, is Eric Gagne having them in bunches right now?
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