Here's the 411. Over the next couple of months I am going to crudely single out all but four teams and label them audaciously as having zero chance of winning the 2008 World Series. What will this arrogance get me? Nothing bar a torrent of abuse in the event I get it wrong and one of the chosen gang of Chug Monkeys turns out to be the World Series champs. Let's start insulting people!
Today, a three-for-one special, all three absolutely, totally blatantly obvious. If you walked into a bookmakers and tried to place a bet on either of the three (I know that, in the 'land of the free' you can't actually do that, you can buy a gun over the counter but a mature, responsible adult can not place a sporting wager, but bear with me) the people in that bookies would look at you as if you were a mutant space monkey.
Team numero one.
It has come to the stage where you have to wonder what the point of this teams existence is, this or indeed any other year. What exactly do they bring to the sport of baseball, at a professional level? Say for example, this '08 season, what exactly are they bringing to the table as it were? Do they ever win? Not so much. Their pathetic .384 winning percentage is second worst in MLB. Do they at least win for the home folk? Nope. Again, something they don't enjoy doing. They are 11 games under .500 at home. Well, are they at least entertaining to those poor few who fork out hard earned dollars to watch them? Negatory again I am afraid, second lowest scoring team in the Majors. Their minuscule 379 runs is almost 200 runs below the league leaders. 200 runs!! Well, beyond the numbers, do they possibly have any hope of winning their division? Statistically speaking, 0.1%. You read that right. 0.1%. That's a decent nickname for this shoddy bunch. I will tell you right now, the Washington Nationals will NOT be winning the 2008 World Series. I am 99.9% sure of that.
Team numero two-oh.
What do you get when you combine shots of 'aftershock' and twelve pints of beer? A bad hangover. That's what it must feel like rooting for these guys, permanently. This bunch of Mr Lebowski's little urban under-achievers are so bad they are turning into a national joke. Arguably two of their three marquee players have been a total joke, well a joke to the rest of the league however no laughing matter to those who had to pay dozens of millions to the two in question to 'play' in '08. The raw numbers? Glad you asked. Terrible. Third worst team in the Majors in terms of winning percentage. 3-7 their last 10 games. 0.1% chance of making the playoffs. A horrific 20-29 record at home! I can assure you, with total certainty, that the Seattle Mariners will NOT be winning the 2008 World Series. I bet you Richie Sexon's salary, in fact.
Team numero three.
This team are pretty guilty of what looks to be a tank job, and that's just sad. Going into the '08 season they would have been tipped as a division winner and a possible threat to go all the way to the ALCS. Huge, dedicated fan-base. Just a shame you can't say the same about the ownership. The numbers? Ugly. A powerful lineup that simply has not clicked in '08. Sixth worst winning percentage in the entire Majors at .443. Their 17-32 road record is just terrible, truly terrible. The worst aspect of their '08 campaign however? Basically giving away a franchise type pitcher for a bag of donuts and a newspaper. You guessed it, the Cleveland Indians will not be winning the 2008 World Series. You can bet CC Sabathia's nightly tab at his favourite Milwaukeeeatery on it.
If I was an Indians fan right now, I would be simply angry.
Where to next for the Tribe? C.C doesn't know anyway
Previous entries to 'Teams that are not going to win the 2008 WS;
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Today, a three-for-one special, all three absolutely, totally blatantly obvious. If you walked into a bookmakers and tried to place a bet on either of the three (I know that, in the 'land of the free' you can't actually do that, you can buy a gun over the counter but a mature, responsible adult can not place a sporting wager, but bear with me) the people in that bookies would look at you as if you were a mutant space monkey.
Team numero one.
It has come to the stage where you have to wonder what the point of this teams existence is, this or indeed any other year. What exactly do they bring to the sport of baseball, at a professional level? Say for example, this '08 season, what exactly are they bringing to the table as it were? Do they ever win? Not so much. Their pathetic .384 winning percentage is second worst in MLB. Do they at least win for the home folk? Nope. Again, something they don't enjoy doing. They are 11 games under .500 at home. Well, are they at least entertaining to those poor few who fork out hard earned dollars to watch them? Negatory again I am afraid, second lowest scoring team in the Majors. Their minuscule 379 runs is almost 200 runs below the league leaders. 200 runs!! Well, beyond the numbers, do they possibly have any hope of winning their division? Statistically speaking, 0.1%. You read that right. 0.1%. That's a decent nickname for this shoddy bunch. I will tell you right now, the Washington Nationals will NOT be winning the 2008 World Series. I am 99.9% sure of that.
Team numero two-oh.
What do you get when you combine shots of 'aftershock' and twelve pints of beer? A bad hangover. That's what it must feel like rooting for these guys, permanently. This bunch of Mr Lebowski's little urban under-achievers are so bad they are turning into a national joke. Arguably two of their three marquee players have been a total joke, well a joke to the rest of the league however no laughing matter to those who had to pay dozens of millions to the two in question to 'play' in '08. The raw numbers? Glad you asked. Terrible. Third worst team in the Majors in terms of winning percentage. 3-7 their last 10 games. 0.1% chance of making the playoffs. A horrific 20-29 record at home! I can assure you, with total certainty, that the Seattle Mariners will NOT be winning the 2008 World Series. I bet you Richie Sexon's salary, in fact.
Team numero three.
This team are pretty guilty of what looks to be a tank job, and that's just sad. Going into the '08 season they would have been tipped as a division winner and a possible threat to go all the way to the ALCS. Huge, dedicated fan-base. Just a shame you can't say the same about the ownership. The numbers? Ugly. A powerful lineup that simply has not clicked in '08. Sixth worst winning percentage in the entire Majors at .443. Their 17-32 road record is just terrible, truly terrible. The worst aspect of their '08 campaign however? Basically giving away a franchise type pitcher for a bag of donuts and a newspaper. You guessed it, the Cleveland Indians will not be winning the 2008 World Series. You can bet CC Sabathia's nightly tab at his favourite Milwaukeeeatery on it.
If I was an Indians fan right now, I would be simply angry.
Previous entries to 'Teams that are not going to win the 2008 WS;
- The San Francisco Giants
- The San Diego Padres
- The Kansas Royals
- The Cincinatti Reds
- The New York Mets
- The Washington Nationals
- The Seattle Mariners
- The Cleveland Indians
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